Category Archives: random poop

Practical Procrastination Techniques #3 – Research Random Things on the Internet

Because, hey, you never know when a clever turn of phrase, an insignificant fact, or a fleeting moment of genius could help you out of a tight situation. Like an awkward silence at an industry networking party, for instance!

As poet Bernadette Mayer says, if it’s not writing, it’s research.

~  ~  ~

A friend of mine’s facebook status stated that she might be Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobic. Since I absolutely have to know what every word I run across means, I dutifully looked it up (see Practical Procrastination Techniques #2). It means fear of the number 666 (fear that it is related to satan and the anti-christ).

Well, me being the cheeky monkey that I am (and not even stopping to consider that this may be a serious phobia of hers), I attempted to cure her ailment with a bit of Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobic humour. I found most of these online HERE (I didn’t make these up, I stole them with glee).

670 Approximated Number of the Beast

DCLXVI Roman Numeral of the Beast

333 Number of the Semi-Beast

66 Number of the Downsized Beast

0.666 Number of the Millibeast

-666 Opposite of the Beast

25.8069758… Square Root of the Beast

1010011010 Binary Number of the Beast

00666 Zip Code of the Beast Website of the Beast

1-666-666-6666 Phone or FAX Number of the Beast

(1-888-666-6666 Toll Free Number of the Beast)

1-900-666-6666 Live Beasts, available now! One-on-one pacts! Only $6.66 per minute! [Must be over 18!]

666-66-6666 Social Security Number of the Beast

Form 10666 Special IRS Tax Form for the Beast

66.6% Tax Rate of the Beast

6.66% 6-Year CD Interest Rate at First Beast Bank of Hell ($666 minimum deposit, $666 early withdrawal fee)

$665.95 Retail Price of the Beast

$769.95 Price of the Beast with accessories and replacement soul

$656.66 Wal-Mart Price of the Beast (next week $646.66!)

$55.50 Monthly Payments for Beast, in 12 easy installments

666o F Oven Temperature for Cooking “Roast Beast”

666 mg Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast

Word 6.66 Word Processor of the Beast

#666666 Font Color of the Beast (the gray in this table!)

IAM 666 License Plate Number of the Beast

66.6 MHz FM Radio Station of the Beast

666 KHz AM Radio Station of the Beast

okay, now, back to work!


Filed under funny poop, Practical Procrastination, random poop

Office Cleaning Randomness

I’m a compulsive list-maker, so I’m always finding lists everywhere (I just created a list-management system, which may in fact change my life). I was cleaning my In-Box and found a list of short stories I was working on. In the middle of the list was written:

Monday: bury dog.

Tuesday: bury cat.

Wednesday: buy camel.

Thursday: sell camel.

Friday: buy car.

Saturday: drive to zoo.

Sunday: set all the animals free.

~  ~  ~

I realized this must have been meant for my To-Do list, so I moved it there. I can’t really afford a car right now, so I’ll have to bike to the zoo. And actually, Vancouver doesn’t have a zoo, so I’ll have to bike to the Aquarium.

Setting free marine life would be a bit of a mess, so I think I’ll just set free some 2-toed sloths (They have 2-toed sloths at the Vancouver Aquarium. I mean, what aquarium is complete without them, right?).

If you’d like to join my SET FREE THE SLOTHS Facebook page, please CLICK HERE.


Filed under funny poop, random poop

It’s here . . . almost!

my fabulous publisher, Tod, sent these pics to me. They’re the proofs from the printer. Goodie-goodie!

Cover Back Printer Proof

Front Cover Printer Proof

Inside Printer Proof

I thought it was interesting that they didn’t bind it, just sent loose pages. Does anyone know if this is standard? If I think back almost 25 years ago (egad!) I remember getting blue-line proofs for the college magazine I edited at California Lutheran University, Morning Glory. I can’t remember if they were loose.

Something I do remember, though. One year, the magazine’s faculty adviser made up a philosopher and it became tradition for the editorial team to make up a quote and attribute it to this philosopher inside each issue.

You can now purchase copies of Brigitta of the White Forest from en theos press.


Filed under Brigitta of the White Forest, novel adventures, random poop

It’s not a giggle, a chuckle, or a titter

Okay, this has come up on numerous occasions while working on my novel series. Say you have a mature/respected character, like a high priestess, and she gives a small laugh. I’ve been wracking my brains as to what to call it. It’s not laughy enough to be called a full laugh. It’s a restrained laugh. (and don’t tell me to write Ondelle gave a restrained laugh. That’s lame; I want a verb. Ondelle _______ed.)

It’s not a giggle, she’s not a little girl.

It’s not a chuckle, she’s not a fat creepy uncle.

It’s not a titter, that’s too demeaning.

It’s not a snicker or a snigger.

And yes, I’ve gone through a thesaurus.

(My publisher Tod said, “How about a guffaw!” and I nearly lost my coffee through my nose. High Priestess Ondelle guffawed!)


Filed under Brigitta of the White Forest, novel adventures, random poop

Meme Tag!

I got tagged on a meme over on fellowette Amy Allgeyer Cook’s blog The Invisible Sister.

I haven’t done one of these in such a long while. It makes me feel all high-school for some reason. But, like, whatEVER.

The rule is to answer the following 5 questions 5 times and then tag 5 more people to do the same.

Question #1 – Where were you 5 years ago (Sadly, I had to go look up my own resume to figure this out):

1) I was an artist-in-the-schools for Learning Through the Arts developing such curriculum as The Digestive System of Reptiles Through Poetry and Early Man Through Soundscape.

2) My husband, our two cats, and I moved above ground.

3) Crying while trying to figure out the Canadian tax system.

4) For the first time, watching something I had written be broadcast on television.

5) Finishing the first draft of my Accidental Novel Brigitta of the White Forest.

Question #2 – Where would you like to be five years from now?

1) Drinking coffee with my husband on the deck of our house on the Sunshine Coast (BC, not Australia, although I’m not opposed to that either)

2) Sitting in a crowded theatre watching a feature film I have written and/or directed

3) Anxiously anticipating the launch of the next book in my accidental novel series (Although I think one can only write the first book in a series accidentally. Oh, geez, another one! Whoops!)

4) Going to all my friends’ movies and book launches at festivals and conferences all over the world!

5) Having a fabulous and organized personal assistant who takes care of all my tax details for me

Question #3 – What is on your to do list today?

1) Um, blog?

2) Phone meeting regarding possible job where I would get to travel!

3) Coffee meeting with fellow author and Creative Writing for Children instructor I subbed for last weekend.

4) Review all my notes and the first draft of the 2nd book in my accidental novel series.

5) Procrastinate doing my (late) taxes

Question #4 – What snacks do you enjoy?

1) popcorn!

2) Liberte Méditterranée coconut yogurt

3) is coffee a snack?

4) cheese (on apple slices if we have them)

5) sushi

Question #5 – What would you do if you were a billionaire?

1) I would have a foundation to support innovative solutions to social and environmental problems as well as operational funds for arts organizations (I’ve worked for non-profits; I know how hard it is to get operational funding).

2) I’ve already promised my mom a cabana boy gardener.

3) Pay off my debts, my husband’s debts, my family members’ debts, and my closest friends’ debts.

4) Travel. And eat. They go great together.

5) Write.

Consider yourself tagged:

Gwendoly Alley

Suma Subramaniam

Christopher Luna

Meeshelle Neal (that’s what you get for commenting on my site, haha)

Erin Mogul


Filed under random poop

I Suck at Poetry Month (is it May yet?)

There have been times in my life where the muses drop inspiration bombs so frequently I have to stop my day to take dictation. Where everything flows effortlessly and all I do is download and transcribe.

Then there are times like the past few weeks, where all is sludge and my brain boots are stuck. Where I crawl to the page and whinge like I’m doing math homework. (did I pile on enough metaphors for you?)

What I usually tell my students is to WRITE ANYWAY because you never know what’s going to happen if you do. Write when you don’t feel like it, when the good times are gone. So, I’m taking my own advice. Today, I come kicking and screaming to the keyboard. My solace? That I know I’m not the only writer who experiences this. My writer friend Jackie used to say, “Why do I procrastinate doing the thing I profess to love to do the most?”

Ah, writers. We’re funny like that.

Yesterday on READ WRITE POEM the assignment was to find an old poem that you started or abandoned and pick lines or phrases that please you (or don’t please you) and finish the poem or use the parts to create a brand new piece.

So, I picked out a 12 year old poetry journal and found this silly poem called DOG DAYS OF SUMMER and rewrote it a bit.

Be the first person to figure out the method/pattern I used to write it I will send you a poetry package in the mail!


Do ordinary gatherings differently!
Anchor yanking submissiveness
or fleece someone’s uninvited misanthrope
motivate evermore ridiculousness.

Don’t organize gargantuan dishtowels,
attack your soup over four
Southern Unitarian mystics.
Masticate every rutabaga.

Distance overly garrulous diatribes
and yodel sinfully onto
Finnish sauerkraut. Undulate
mammaries. Manipulate erect rhinos.

Diddle o’er green dewy avons
your saucy offerings.
Flout soliloquies under manifold
moonbeams. Eventfully

(it almost sounds like something out of Rob Brezny’s Pronoia manual)


Filed under poetry, random poop, writing exercises

PitchMarket Begins Tomorrow (and boy is my brain tired)

THIS is why I haven’t posted a blog entry in a month…

and why I haven’t gotten any sleep in 4 days.

But it’s going to be a great event.

Let’s hope I can stay awake enough to enjoy it.


Filed under random poop